News Updates

This is not one of the hogs in question.

On October 02, an Oregon Farmer, 70 year old Terry Vance Garner, was eaten by his hogs (some of which apparently weigh 700 lbs). Man, that’s just brutal. I hope that Garner dropped stone dead of a heart attack before the pigs started to eat him.  Pigs, apparently, will eat everything — bones, clothes, etc. The local police are not ruling out foul play, unfortunately, there is not a lot left to base their investigation on.

Deomcratic candidate for State Senate, Colleen Lachowicz, is under fire by Maine Republicans for the fact that she plays World of Warcraft and has a female orc thief character. Her opponents apparently took umbrage at comments in one of her blog/forum postings in which she alluded to drowning Grover Norquist in a bath tub. I hope Mr. Norquist’s security can handle imaginary orc assassins and suggest he limit himself to showers until this thing blows over. Some of her other online comments that are being used against her include:

  • “So I’m a level 68 orc rogue girl. I stab things . . . a lot. Who would have thought that a peace-lovin’, social worker and democrat would enjoy that?!”
  • “I can kill stuff without going to jail. There are some days when this is more necessary than others.”
  • “I’m so jealous! I wish I wasn’t at work. I’d much rather be gaming with my guildies!”

I’m not a WOW player, nor do I vote in Maine, but I’m interested to see how this tactic works. I think people who play online games would probably be turned off by the idea that her opponents are perhaps implying that being a ‘gamer’ makes Lachowicz unsuitable for office. Others will probably find the fact that Lachowicz plays World of Warcraft ‘creepy.’ Personally, I don’t think WOW is ‘creepier’ than playing golf.  I was once hit in the stomach by a golf ball and it hurt a lot — and then I got yelled at by a golfer for being hit by his friend’s ball (and I was not golfing… I was just standing in a public park and not on the golf course itself, so I maintain my innocence), so, in my limited experience, golf players are a lot more dangerous than World of Warcrafters. Unfortunately, if Lachowicz wins or loses, it will probably be impossible to say for certain whether ‘Warcraftgate” was the reason, so my curiosity will probably have to remain unsatisfied.

These two stories are related because orcs have sort-of pig-like heads.

6 Comments on “News Updates”

  1. I first heard of the pig's apetite in the movie Snatch.

  2. Stephan Poag says:

    There was a Civil War era writer (I forget which one) who wrote about seeing hogs that had escaped their pens eating the dead on the field at Antietem. Yikes.

  3. Drance says:

    Hey, I saw a “dick sack” post from you on my feed, and now I can't find it!!! I was really interested in reading that, since my friends and I have been known to refer to many an unpleasant individual as “a bag of dicks.” Also, another fave of mine is to call someone a “penis” in lieu of “dick.” I find it adds a bit of class to the accusation. 😉 Anyway, bring back the dick sack!

  4. Stephan Poag says:

    Drance: You can't find your dick sack? Check between your legs! Haw haw!
    Have you seen Louis CK's “Suck a bag of dicks” schtick? Funny stuff.
    I went to college with some folks from S. America and they used to laugh at me because I would try to call someone a 'dick' in Spanish and apparently managed to call them a 'comb.' It's all in putting the emphasis on the right syllable I am told.
    As far as dissappearing posts go, I am officially denying all knowledge of what you might be talking about.

  5. mwschmeer says:

    Yeah, well, you can't delete it from my feed. . .I have the whole post there still. And I'm still curious. . .

  6. Drance says:

    Fine, go ahead and deny the existence of the dick sacks. I'll keep on believing.

Leave a Reply to DranceCancel reply