Everybody has been asking me, “Who do you like to get the Republican nomination?“* Well, in celebration of New Year’s Eve, I’m looking at the candidates and giving you the straight poop.
This week it seems to have been all Ron Paul all the time. Normally I would say that Paul is too shrunken-looking and gnome-like to be a contender, but, if I were voting in the GOP primary, his ‘legalize it’ stance would move him to the top of my list and then his, “well, I didn’t write those things about the n-ggers and jews, I just published them” would move him right back down to the bottom again. I’m sure the race war card will play well in some demographics, however.
I’d like to thank Newt Gingrich for beginning every sentence with, “When I get to Washington…” as if he is some teen-aged Abraham Lincoln working on the farm in Illinois and dreaming of things to come. For the guy who has walked into every meeting in Washington since Clinton was President saying, “What’s in this for me?,” trying to convince voters that you are a political outsider seems a hard sell, but Newt managed to sell himself as a champion of the importance of character while simultaneously illustrating that he has none, so I probably shouldn’t underestimate him. One thing in Newt’s favor is that now college history majors can tell their worried parents that history was a good major choice since Newt made a gajillion dollars from Fannie Mae in a few short hours as a ‘history consultant.’ Although I would question how much actual history Newt has studied after he said that child labor laws are stupid.
I cannot mention Rick Perry without wondering aloud how one happens to shoot coyotes while out for a morning jog. Was he jogging down some suburban street and saw some coyote hanging out on a street corner smoking cigarettes and getting ready to abduct a child? Or was he out jogging on the trails of
N!ggerhead his family hunting ranch? I’m also wondering if one goes jogging with a pistol, where do you put it? I think if one were to run down the road with a pistol in your hand, that could lead to your being mistaken for Clyde Barrow, so a holster of some kind is probably in order. And you probably want some sort of ballistic nylon holster with velcro to keep your gat from flopping around and hitting you in the junk. With his helmet-like hair and easy smile, he certainly looks the part of a GOP presidential candidate, though sometimes I have trouble telling him and Mitt Romney apart.
Rick Santorum has taken the “What stupid thing will they say next?” tiara away from Michelle Bachmann — which seems like quite an accomplishment since Bachmann has managed to say something astoundingly stupid so often, so perhaps we shouldn’t discount his determination. He’s the “Sheriff Joe Arapio” of national politics; given the frequency with which he worries about the ‘homosexual agenda,’ I’m sure it’s just a matter of time until he is found toe tapping in some toilet stall.
Bachmann has crazy eyes and makes Palin seem like a philosopher… so other candidates are probably paying her to stay in the race sort of like a homely looking guy might stand next to a really ugly friend and think it made him look ‘handsome’ in comparison.
Mitt Romney seems the safe choice, but in the last election a plurality of Ohio Republican voters said, “We are just not ‘ready’ for a black president,” so that makes me wonder if they are similarly unready for a Mormon one. To me, Mormonism (with it’s magic spectacles, mystic underwear and disappearing golden books) sounds like a Harry Potter story — I find myself wondering if I am ready for a Mormon president. But he says the things that the US Department of Commerce wants to hear, so maybe I should get used to the idea. Like Perry, Romney ‘looks’ the part, so, if I were a betting man, smart money would be on him.
I’m actually thinking that as a Republican president, Obama hasn’t done too badly. When he landed in office, all the Fox News talking heads opined long and hard about his being a ‘secret muslim’ or having a ‘radical leftist agenda,’ but now it feels like the people who voted against Obama have gotten more of what they want over the past few years than the people who voted for him. Go figure.
*Actually, no one has been asking me… but I thought it would make a clever lead in.
I recently found this old Planet Comic, Lost World, reproduced on one of my favorite Blogs (Pappy’s Golden Age of Comics). The hero bears the improbable name of ‘Hunt Bowman,’ and, by coincidence, he hunts with a bow. Accompanied by his sexy girlfriend, Lyssa, and his comrade-in-arms, Bruce, they wander post-apocalypse Earth and try to help the savage wandering tribes of Earthlings throw off the oppressive shackles of the invaders from Volta. It is worth noting that although Bruce looks like a Voltaman, he was originally a human whose brain was transplanted into a Voltaman body.
The Voltamen come from planet Volta and have wrinkled faces, no noses and wear Pikelhauben like World War 1 German soldiers. The have an almost Yoda-like speech pattern where they say things like, “Surrender you must!” and “Prisoners kill we will!”
Planet Comics was apparently published in the 1940s and 50s. It kind of follows the ‘savage man in a post apocalyptic world’ thing that somewhat resembles the early Buck Rogers stuff from the 1930s with Hunt Bowman standing in for Buck and the Voltamen standing in for the Mongols, but the Bowman comic is constantly referencing the ruins of North America by having the characters hide in a ruined department store, go hunting in an overgrown Central Park in NYC, jury rig a futuristic electrical generator to fire up a subway train and use it to escape from tadpole men, etc. Great stuff!
EDIT: Amazon sells a “Lost World” archive. Unfortunately, it is only via Kindle Edition. The good thing, however, is that Amazon now offers a Kindle Reader for the PC with late model OS (no Mac yet, though, as far as I know)… so if you buy the Kindle you are not limited to the Kindle’s tiny screen.
EDIT #2: (This was originally in comments, but I moved it here): I bought the ‘Lost World’ anthology for Kindle earlier but haven’t had time to read it yet. I’m glad Amazon/Kindle made the PC application available; from reading other books I think images look terrible on the Kindle (though type shows up great and I like reading word and pdfs on the kindle more than on my laptop).
The Kindle Reader for PC isn’t very versatile (but it is free). I think it was really made for reading text docs rather than comic books; it won’t allow me to zoom in on a particular part of the page to see a drawing in more detail (although it will allow me to enlarge the document till the image fills the screen on my laptop from top to bottom). Maybe if I look at it on my desktop that has a larger screen than the laptop?
The pages are scanned from old comic books and there is some variation in quality due to the condition of the old comic books (I’ve only looked at the first several chapters). On the other hand, I got about 700 pages of “Lost World” for ~$6.00 US that are, as far as I know, not available elsewhere so it seems like a good deal to me.
Most of you have probably heard that Goodman Games is publishing it’s own game called “Dungeon Crawl Classics.” What I didn’t know is that Goodman is allowing other publishers to publish adventures for Dungeon Crawl Classics. Check it at the bottom of this page on the Goodman site:
Full disclosure: I’ve done some illustration work for Goodman Games. But illustrating is a “one time only” kind of deal as far as payment goes — I don’t get paid more if Goodman sells more books with my art in them.
The below drawing has nothing to do with anything other than I think it is old-schooley:
More is better: First things first — I no longer feel obligated to post on every Old School Renaissance event or outrage, but in my web wanderings I frequently come across people expressing the sentiment that when hobbyist gamers sit down to write their ‘own’ rule book, they should write something new and different from what has come before. “Don’t give us another cut-and-paste job!” the masses scream en masse from the internets with the same rage that others reserve for dolphin killers and child molesters.
I think that’s dumb advice. I think if someone sits down to write their own rule book, they should write it exactly the way they want to write it. If that means that the only difference between your new ‘Towers & Trolls‘ and the original game written by Gygax & Arneson is the name and just enough of the text to stave off a cease and desist letter from Wizards of the Coast, then so be it. In the scheme of things, who cares if ‘Towers & Trolls’ sells only 3 copies and never gets played? I’m under the impression most people in the OSR do this for fun and love rather than money… and, for most of us, if we make enough $$$ to buy a pizza and a sixer we can consider it a job well done. Like collecting stamps or building ships inside bottles, rewriting games is a niche hobby.
I realize that producing yet another clone is probably not the winning strategy if your goal is to support yourself by selling games, so the true entrepreneurs who are out to sell books and games in order to make big money might want to avoid tossing yet another undifferentiated clone onto the heap of available games… but the few OSR-ers I’ve met via the internet who are doing this for money already seem to have figured that out, anyway.
One of the reasons why I think this is so cool is I have been reading these posts on A-Plus’s “Outland” game and think it is just the shiznit. I wish I was in his group.
Who Cares?: Paul Jaquays is now a woman named Jannelle Allyn Jaquays (sp?). If you follow that link and read the responses, you will find out that the fact that he is now a she makes some people mad — which is really fucking weird. What are the angry people angry about? I imagine them saying things like, “I played ‘Dark Tower’ back in 1982 and loved it… and Paul Jaquays wrote ‘Dark Tower’ so now I feel like my world has been rocked… how could he betray us by becoming a woman!?!”
One poster wrote something like, “This cannot be true because I know he is a conservative.” I didn’t know there was a single specific conservative viewpoint on gender reassignment. Is there?
I’m reasonably certain Jannelle Allyn Jaquays will not read this, but, if you do, I hope all this works out for you.
If you are one of the people who is made mad by Paul Jaquays becoming Janelle Allyn Jaquays, please post why in comments. I want to know why someone else changing their gender harms you.
What is the proper response?: A few days ago I posted something stupid about new years resolutions and old fruit cakes selling for big money at auction and how I ought to invest in fruit cakes since I could either sell or eat them if worse came to worse. One person responded to tell me something along the lines of, “For your new year’s resolution you could try being less of a douche bag,” or something like that. I deleted the response. In your opinion, what is the proper etiquette in this case?
A Kroger fruitcake made in 1941 was recently sold at auction for over $500.00. Proceeds will go to benefit the homeless (perhaps the money will be used to purchase gift baskets for these unfortunates… gift baskets that might contain clean socks, toothpaste, smoked meats and fruitcake!). It is believed that the auction winner will keep the 70 year old fruitcake as an investment.
If you stick ‘old fruitcake’ into the googlemachine, you will discover that 70 years is about average for a fruitcake. People have fruitcakes ranging in age from 44 years to 125(!) years stowed away in attics, safety deposit boxes, closets, etc.
Perhaps this is the year that I invest in fruitcake. If a 70 year old fruitcake is valuable, I can sell it to some rich fruitcake collector when I am old and grey and shivering in my unheated shack under a thin, threadbare blanket… OR, if the world economy has collapsed and civilization as we know it gone down the tubes, I can eat my fruitcakes. Fuck the gold. The survivalist with a plan will invest in fruitcakes.
Recently Annie turned me on to the artworks of someone named ‘Slinkachu.’ Slinkachu takes little tiny model people and photographs them living their tiny lives and having adventures in the regular sized world. Check it out at http://www.gwarlingo.com/2011/street-art-of-slinkachu/
More of the Stupeflip maddness from France … with a dollop of Eisenstein’s Nevsky in the mix —
…but I don’t give a shit because I’m trying to keep up on the butter crisis’ from Norway:
That’s how they did it in the old country!