I never needed a drink that badly

How is it possible that this slipped under my radar for so long?

UT Student and Phi-Kappa-Alpha brother Alexander “Zander” Broughton denies butt-chugging. Apparently, at some point “Zander” was hospitalized for extreme alcohol poisoning and the whole PKA frat was placed under suspension for this (and possibly other) alcohol related incident(s). Somehow the rumor started that “Zander” had been ‘butt-chugging.’ ‘Butt-chugging’ is when you take alcohol and, instead of drinking it, you put it up your butt… I’m guessing butt chuggers use an enema bag or something. It apparently gets you really fucked up really quickly… maybe butt-chugging is for busy multi-taskers who don’t have time to stand around drinking through your mouth anymore like they did in Grandpa’s day.

The best part of the video is where all the dudes are standing around looking serious as ‘Zander’ and the Fraternity’s lawyer sternly deny butt-chugging several times. ‘Zander’ wants to make it clear that he is NOT GAY… because, I guess, that’s the first question that he thinks should come to mind… and wants to clear his good name — he is not a butt-chugger and he wants those who have called him a butt-chugger to pay the legal consequences for damage to his reputation and the reputation of his fraternity. He wants us to know that the alcohol poisoning that landed him in the hospital was the result of him drinking a whole box of Franzia box wine through his mouth… not by using a hose to put it up his butt. Franzia? Nice choice of beverage, by the way. How the whole topic of butt-chugging came up when ‘Zander’ (or is it ‘Xander?’) landed in the ER is discussed at length in the video.

“Butt-chugging” has a long history.  The pre-Columbian Mayans were notorious butt-chuggers, as this ancient statue proves:

Butt-chugger!

Look at that Mayan; he is so happy to be butt-chugging!


8 Comments on “I never needed a drink that badly”

  1. Roger the GS says:

    Never thought I'd see the day when ingestion of box wine was used by a man to defend himself against gay rumors.

  2. Konsumterra says:

    mayans used magic mushrooms – only old ppl aloud to b drunx – ppl die from it often – i bottle of sherry will kill u

  3. Zanazaz says:

    I think they doth protest too much.

  4. At least if you put the Franzia up in your place then you wouldn't have to taste it.

  5. Stephan Poag says:

    Isn't 'Franzia' a brand name? I ask because I am wondering what type of wine is preferred for butt-chugging. A merlot? Chianti? Pinot Grigiot? A slightly fruity cask-aged chardonnay?

    Although, in this case, I'm thinking it was obviously a blush wine (rump-dump-tump-tish!)

  6. Yah. Franzia is a mass producer of wine (in my memory) in the town of Sanger, ~30min southeast of Fresno, specializing in boxed wines. In the mid90s I almost had a summer job there as a crew supervisor, but by the time they called I had taken a graveyard shift job doing personal laundry at a convalescent hospital. Should have gone to Franzia. I instead got to deal with the end result (as it were) of the institutionalized form of butt-chugging in elderly care.

    I think you're probably right, Mr. Zander would have chosen their Rose or White Zinfandel (aka Blush) varietal. Boone's Strawberry Hill would have been the high school equivalent.

  7. Chris Creel says:

    As a resident of Knox Co. I find this very embarrassing and was hesitant to comment. Really, how does one respond to this type of ignorance? Nice find, I love your social commentary posts.

  8. Stephan Poag says:

    Really, how does one respond to this type of ignorance?
    Perhaps by replacing that Franzia in my enema bag with a nice but unpretentious mid-price-range California Chardonnay accompanied by a cheese and fruit plate.


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