Another shameless bit of self promotion…

I did some art a little while ago for Chaotic Henchmen Productions; the adventure is not out yet but a preview is up here.  Anyway, here is the image: a party of dungeoneers about to get reamed by some morlocks and their pet lizard…

And this is what it looks like on the cover:


Update

I haven’t spent much time on the blog (or even on the computer), so I’ve been out of touch with the whole online thing.  I’ve finished my 2nd week at the new job (which has taken a lot out of me — there is a lot of stuff to learn) and I have been working on some private commissions (some of which are due today, so, J., if you are reading this, they are almost done and you should have scans in your inbox by tonight).

Someone wrote to tell me that my Etsy store is empty, which reminds me of one of the rather annoying things about Etsy.  If you put stuff in the store and it doesn’t sell, the listing expires and it disappears. I don’t regret Etsy’s need to charge sellers a listing fee, but I wish they would send me a notice telling me that my listings are about to expire so I can renew them.  The only way I find out that my listings have expired is if someone writes to me to tell me the store is empty or I check the store myself (and one of the reasons I use Etsy is because I don’t have the time to manage an online store right now).  Maybe Etsy does send notices but they get snagged by my spam filter. (BTW, I renewed the current listings in the store to the tune of 0.20 cents each… which erodes my profit margin even more (frown). When things slow down I hope to list new stuff in the store, but putting in the original listings take a lot of time since I need to enter all sorts of info, provide scans, etc., and I don’t have much time right now).

Scuttlebut is that A) Wizards is working on a 5th edition of D&D and B) Wizards is doing a limited run reprint of first edition books.  I know this is something that a lot of people are very excited about, but I don’t see how it will have much impact on me or my interests.


Exquisite Corpses v2 Update

I’ve been working on E.C. v2. and have a lot of issues/problems bubbling up.  I’m not posting them here to ‘design by committee,’ I just thought it might be interesting for some people to see behind the scenes of how I do this.

If you are reading this and don’t know what Exquisite Corpses is:  E.C. is a somewhat unusual monster book I published in an abbreviated form via Lulu a few years ago.  In 2012 a new and improved version will be published by LotFP.  The book has a lot of pictures of monsters divided into three sections (head, body and tail/legs).  Each drawing is split along the seams, creating tabs you can flip back and forth to make new hybrid creatures with different heads, bodies and legs/tails.  Just by flipping tabs you can create 64,000 different critters. Read more here.

Here is a picture of one of the ‘mock-ups’ (in black and white) of the old edition in use.  In the pic I have put a dragon’s head on an insect’s body with a bird’s feet (the newer edition has nicer illustrations and will be in COLOR!):

E.C. Original Edition in mock-up

I have 40 paintings of creatures that I began this year.  Each is about 9×12 acrylic; some are better than others.  Getting the creatures to fit the format is, at times, a bit difficult.  Some animals are pictured rearing up on their hind legs so they can all fit the basic profile.  So, basically, it works like this:

Here we took the head of a one legged cyclops creature (I call it a “cyclopskiapod”), the body of a dragon/wyvern creature and the legs/tail of a gargoyle and added them all together to make a new creature with a one-eyed head, dragonny wings and clawed feet and a tail.  The book will tell you stuff like the Cyclops head will have poor depth perception, the dragon body can fly and the gargoyle legs can grab and claw with the feet (examples). There will also be more tables that will allow you to add more qualities.  You can generate your creatures by picking the parts and powers you want or rolling dice.

Right now I’m struggling to edit the text the way I want it.  Each entry has to be unique and after working for a while I get tapped out of ideas, so I keep  having to work on it till I am not coming up with good ideas, putting it down, coming back to it, etc. I’m hoping to have the text more or less ‘done’ by the new year.

I’m also having second thoughts about the art and am thinking of revising the paintings in favor of a more graphic presentation like this:

"NEW" Armored Fiend V2

Compare the above armored fiend to the original acrylic painting of the same monster:

"OLD" armored fiend v1

Obviously, the old ‘armored fiend v1’ has a wonky left leg that is supposed to look like he is stepping forward (I need to repaint that) and the new version is an ink drawing colored on the computer, but right now I’m grooving a lot more on the more comic-bookish new one than the painterly old one — not just because his legs are better, either — I just like the more graphic ‘look’ of it better right now.  But I have to mull it over, and, of course, talk about it with my publisher.  But I thought since people have been asking they might like a behind the scenes look.

BTW, an ‘armored fiend’ is a monster of my own creation — it’s basically a fanatical warrior who has had weapons and armor permanently mounted to their flesh.  They never give up or surrender and it’s hard to do things like knock their weapon out of their hand because, more often than not, their weapon IS their hand.  Like Edward Scissorhands but more medievalish.


I give up…

Sometimes it is the little things that get you down.  Like Congress trying to decide whether or not pizza should be considered a vegetable.  “Vegetable,” in this case, means whether or not pizza can ‘count’ towards a serving of vegetables for the US school lunch food program.

A few years ago, Washington wanted us to believe that ketchup should be considered a vegetable.  A few years before that, they wanted to reclassify salsa as a vegetable.  I think that most sane people would agree that eating some salsa on some chips or eating some ketchup on a hamburger is not a substitute for a salad or carrots or an ear of corn.

The mendacity of the whole process by which Congress decides what children should eat is revealed by this quote from a pro-pizza-as-vegetable lobbyist from the American Frozen Food Institute “If the USDA rule went forward as is, pizza would most certainly be all but impossible to serve in school lunch programs,” said Corey Henry, a spokesman for the American Frozen Food Institute.  “Schools have to meet nutrition requirements at every meal to get reimbursed by the federal government. To get a vegetable credit using tomato paste under the USDA’s proposed rule, schools would have to drown pizza in tomato sauce to the point where kids would never want to eat a slice of pizza. If schools have to add so much sauce to get a vegetable credit that pizza becomes inedible, they simply won’t serve pizza any longer.”

In other words, Mr. Henry is saying that in order to get pizza paid for by the tax payer, they would have to add more actual vegetable matter to the pizza.  But adding more vegetables to the pizza in order to make it qualify as a vegetable might make the kids like it less, therefore the solution is to just change the definition of what a vegetable is to include pizza so that the companies that sell pizza to schools can continue to make money off of the taxpayer.

Why stop there?  I’m sure the candy manufacturers would love it if we redefined ‘jellybeans’ as a vegetable.  Heck, it even has ‘bean’ in the name so it’s gotta be a vegetable, right?  And who says something even needs to be edible in order to qualify as a vegetable?  I’m sure the makers of paper clips would love to get some school lunch program money, so why not reclassify paperclips as a vegetable, too?

No wonder our education system is totally jacked up.


Sugar Plum Fairy doesn’t know naughty words…

sugar freak

I’m currently away from the cave while visiting family.  Always on the hunt for amusement, I came across a story good enough to share: Saint Charles, Missouri, fires ‘Sugar Plum Fairy’ after she uses “bad words” during her drug test.

The background: St. Charles is a town east of St. Louis (my old home town).  Every year the apparently have some Christmas deal in their downtown section where people walk around in costumes like this is some Currier & Ives holiday fantasy, singing carols and encouraging people to buy stuff. One of the ’employees’ was a woman named Laura Coppinger who would wear a ‘sprite’ costume with wings and run around like a sugar addled maniac in order to amuse the kiddies.

However, this year festival employees were all required to submit a drug test, because, well, you know that the good citizens wouldn’t want someone who runs around pretending to be a pixie to get high on her off hours.  Sugar Plum Fairy apparently flushed the toilet during her drug test; she said it was just out of habit… you know, you go, you flush.  City of Saint Charles told her she had to go back to the waiting room and drink a lot more water so she could take the test again.  Sugar plum fairy was frustrated and said some ‘naughty words.’  Sugar plum fairy was fired on the spot.  When asked why, the events coordinator cited the special rule,  “Christmas Characters Don’t Know Naughty Words.”

 


Gmail Irritations and other Enemas

Maybe it’s just that time of month for me, but every time I get an email to my gmail account from someone who has written to me from a non-gmail account, Gmail pops up a little highlighted message that says, “Invite (insert name here) to Gmail!” It’s one of life’s irritations that drives me fruit; almost as bad as those gas stations where they have a little television set at the pump that broadcasts ads for the shitty hotdogs and whatnot they are selling inside the gas station. Since Michigan State Law requires that I stand beside my car while filling it up and the TV does not have a mute button or off switch, I HAVE to listen to that fucking chirpy-voiced infomercial. Maybe I’ll keep the hearing protection I use for chainsawing and shooting in the car and wear it whenever I end up at one of those stations.

Is this the future we have to look forward to? Will consumer products themselves continue the trend of assertively insisting we help market them to others? If I wear a T-shirt from The Gap in the same room as someone wearing a shirt from Abercrombie & Fitch, will our shirts attempt to convince us to approach one another and tell the other that they should shop at OUR store?

HEY GOOGLE: Here’s a suggestion. Instead of telling me I ought to invite so-and-so to gmail, why don’t you make gmail so orgasmically good that I won’t have to be told to invite him/her/it; I’ll just do it because I’ll be so fucking happy like I just found Jesus and want to share it with everyone. How’s that for a marketing idea?


Shameless Commerce Division: T Shirt sale for Khunmar

I was dinking around with some art for Khunmar and I decided to try to design a t-shirt for Mines of Khunmar.  If I have my math right, I started Khunmar in 1982 — which would make it 30 years old next year.  Come hell or high water, next year Khunmar will be available in some form (I hope).  In the meantime, you can buy a crappy, overpriced shirt from Cafe Press… each sale will put a few pennies in my pocket and hopefully spur me on to finishing the damn thing.

This is the front:

And, on the back, a severed head of yet another luckless PC who has met his end in Khunmar:

It’s actually sort of a self portrait… except my hair is shorter and my head is still attached to my body… and my eyebows are not quite so Gandalfy.  But, yeah, I think if I had a mullet and I got decapitated I might look something like the above.

I ordered one for myself (for the outrageous price of 25.00 plus 5.00 and change for shipping — fucking robbery for a t-shirt that will probably fall apart in a week).  If it looks OK, I’ll open up the store for the public, and, hopefully, these will be flying off the shelves and filling my pockets with dough.  Then I’ll move on to key chains, messenger bags, mugs, ashtrays, note books, tooth brushes, bath mats and other Khunmar crap… and eventually you will get the dungeon after I have milked the ‘accessories’ teat enough.  So save your shekels and get ready to spend!

Finally, here is another drawing for Khunmar:

For those of you keeping track, this is the 4th or 5th drawing for Khnumar I have shown the world.  There are others, but some are not done yet, some have not been scanned and some suck wads and need to be done over again — plus 80% of the work is not done yet anyway.  I plan to have a half page drawing for each map section like the above, and then many little drawings scattered throughout the work.  It will be pretty art heavy, which is what I want, and everything will be by me, so if you hate my work you will want to stay away from the final product.  ‘Rules’ and stuff will be minimal, probably compatible with Swords & Wizardry or something similar,  and there will be notes as to how I have used the dungeon in the past, suggestions and other inappropriate notes and musings.  As you can see in the pic above, one of the many entry ways to the dungeon is through a castle occupied by pig-headed orcs who apparently wear high-top tennis shoes.  What the fuck?  And there will be severed heads.  Lots of them.  And at least one drawing of a guy taking a shit while getting attacked by giant insects because that is how I roll.

OK.  That is all for now.  Carry on.


Creepy Ass Toyota Commercial

This Toyota commercial is really fucking creepy… especially when the main character (who is a giant made of dozens of little people) walks outside and sees that he has 4 Toyotas in his driveway.  He then falls apart and the little people get in the cars and drive away after loading one of his giant shoes into the trunk.


ETSY ART STORE OPEN; new discounts availible!

Some of the original artwork I have made over the years as illustrations for books by Goodman Games and others is for sale in my etsy store.  The store’s listings had expired without my noticing it, so I renewed all the listings and SLASHED THE PRICES to the freaking bone!  Everything must go!  Illustration at right is typical from one of the Goodman DCC Classics books.  More work to come in the future.

If that were not enough, well, let me sweeten the deal… enter coupon code WURDPRESSONE for an additional 10% off!

Keep your eye on the shop; will be adding more work for your collection/walls in the future… including COLOR cover art from Goodman’s DCC CLassics lines and others… if that floats yer boat.  If not, well, that’s OK too.


Music and Salesmanship

Anyone else remember those pictures of Boris Yeltsin doing ‘The Funky Chicken?’ I can’t decide whether I like Boris more or less after seeing them — sort of the same feeling I got when watching our former President, George W. Bush, funk out with African drummers on the Whitehouse lawn.

Michelle Bachmann recently got taken to task by musician Tom Petty because her crew used his song, “American Girl,’ at one of her rallies. I’m not that familiar with Petty’s “American Girl” pop anthem, but, if memory serves, it’s lyrics might be a bit at odds with Bachmann’s Bible Beater values (something about “making it last all night” makes me think Petty’s American Girl is a bit of a libertine). But I guess since the song has ‘American’ in it, her team feels this gives it relevance. Plus Petty is probably popular with a demographic that doesn’t find much traction in her bible-thumpin’ ways. Anything to appear hip, I guess. But this is apparently just one of a growing number of cases in which a pop star has said to a political candidate, “Hey, stop using my song!”

I remember being a bit taken aback when I heard “London Calling” by the Clash being used to sell Jaguar cars on TV. The context in which I first heard that song seemed greatly at odds with the idea of a luxury automobile. As I recall, the ad just had a few strident guitar riffs and Joe Strummer barking out, “London Calling” and leaving out all those depressing lyrics about the end of the world… perhaps the admen thought that maybe the American ex-punker who had given up on revolution and gotten a career and was now rolling in it would feel the siren song of the half remembered dreams of his former self and head on down to the dealership and buy a really expensive car without really stopping to think about it. Devo as pitchmen for Honda scooters seemed a much better fit.

The world is just getting so fucking weird. Guy DeBord had no idea how right he was.